One Word, One World, One Person

So, I haven’t updated in a while and though I would love to talk about interesting things like in the latest Brookers video (ha she’s figuring out the sad truths about the world/life). I won’t because I’m tired and just over the world thrilled with a hint of loopy in the mix.

Yeah, so things have been ok well as ok as usual a little tidbit better but not enough to keep.

I’m just going to throw some comments. I have no clue if anyone checks this anymore. I know someone that doesn’t beside me. This is why I won’t feel bad saying this HE SUCKS. Lol.

Yeah, I don’t know anymore about my male acquaintance. His getting on my last nerve, and yeah it’s still the same guy that I’ve been with for a year and 7 months. But, oh my god, how, he is driving nuts lately. See it’s not really him but what he does or how he acts. He never seems to want to do stuff with me be with me it’s always like “I have to this….”, “I‘m tired…..”, or “I have to go…” It’s like he never has time for me anymore or wants to make time for me. I just don’t know anymore how he feels towards. I know that I love him and if he would just make his mind up it would be helpful. Lol I even gave him a free pass. (If you don‘t get that too bad!)

Anyway moving on…I felt loopy now I’m depressed

Random thoughts

Has anyone ever gotten that feeling of being watched or like seeing someone or something hiding in the shadows and you know their watching you but you can’t make them out? Maybe I’m just going insane officially or my imagination is playing jokes on me but I’ve been seeing something in the shadows. It watches me like a guardian angel, but it freaks me out. It’s not the same feeling I get when I think of ZR or OL, um….don‘t ask just say [angels: guardians]. It’s darker, like the shadows of the night watching waiting to pounce, though I know better that it won’t do so. Oh yeah it’s not human, it’s not even adult, yet it chills my bones. I see it at the corner of my eye but when I look closely its gone. It’s just a flash. But no it’s not bright it is black. I don’t know if it’s a he or a she. It’s a feline, a panther, I think like I said I haven’t gotten a good look. Its eyes glow yellow and its dark, pitch black. I see it watching me behind things or run past hedges. But mostly it’s just hiding staring then poof. I really think I’m losing it.

On other news of the loopy train, I think I’m dying. No, I’m not saying I want to die or suicide. But its also, at least I don’t think it’s a disease, hope not. Lol, but like I was going to say I always wanted to die young. Morbid I know but romantic and fantastical and I want to know about death. Gosh, I sound so Goth and emo [tional]. But there is just something interesting about death that is so appealing. Plus, if possible I would love to be one with the night AKA vamp.

Any way I say I think I’m dying because I feel like something some part some tidbit of me is crashing collapsing. I think its part of growing up how dull. So yeah some parts of my brain feel like they’re dying or my body or something. I just feel different, and it’s so weird and freaky. Sadly to say I feel familiar to this sense. Ok, crazy moment 3 blog. But for every stage in my life there’s like a new me. A new soul that takes over (lol it does help with categorizing remembrances) my body. Does that sound nutty or what? But no really, throughout my life it feels like stages, each with its own name. But it changes me though it’s like a new soul, I know all the stuff I’ve done or been through, but it’s kind of like saying goodbye to that life. As I got older after losing my primary second [soul] I didn’t pay as close attention because the rest where like little and now I’m coming up to the another big change, marking me childhood age done.

Its scary thinking I’m 17 turning 18 soon and I haven’t accomplished anything with myself. I don’t even know how to fucking do laundry. I’m a mess, an absolute…loser. Lol, but I’m still young and getting there and I don’t consider myself ignorant just unmotivated towards life. Someone better figure out the point because so far I got nothing. I want to be somebody, go to college, get a good job, have a family, but I want so much more. Ha-ha, no not money, though money does make dreams come true (sadly). I just want to know the answer to all those stupid questions that float around like flies mocking the human race. I just don’t know my feelings are in the freezer these days and I’ve gone tad nutty. I think it’s the whole unable to sleep business.

Ok, so this officially my Goth, vamp blog.

P.s.
 Bored so random bolds & Italics. YAY!!!

NOT
Half Edited